Sun brings out the smiley people :)
Resentment.
I’m quite aware my blog’s become a depressing piece of shit lately but it actually feels like this is the only place I can rant. How can you gage just how much being with someone is worth? It’s definitely not the best feeling in the world realizing just how low in someone’s priorities your relationship is worth. In just over an hour I’m going to find out if my boyfriend’s going to move away & join the marines. I cannot even explain how fucking devastated I actually am. I always thought if you live with someone & you’re meant to be in a partnership these sorts of things should actually be talked about. Apparently I’m all wrong because “when I’m in a relationship my whole life revolves around that & nothing else”. Right now I can’t even look at him, I’m really struggling to not hate him, & once again I’m stuck feeling more in this relationship than he is.
Cause you make me so high, got me screaming out for more.
I thought I could live in your arms, & spend every moment I had with you. Stay up all night with the stars, confess all the faith that I had in you.
I’ve got to make the most fucking horrible decision of my life in what could only be a week away. Today should be such a happy day but it’s like this big fucking looming shadow has just raped every moment I’ve been cheerful today. It’s so so difficult to not let them know just how upset you are. Smiling face on, & off out we go.
I woke up young in lover’s love, & I felt my luck when I felt your touch.
Tragic amounts of mush
When no one was looking, I was thinking of you.
Cherry blossom is finally finished!
Proud.
I’m finally fucking getting rid of that envelope. After 5 years.
I held onto it so long because I was too afraid to give up my old life & my old memories, but I think it’s time for someone else to harbour that burden. That & I can finally let it all go. God bless you Frank.
This is actually the only song that’s managed to stop me being a miserable fuck this whole week my boyfriend’s been away. 2 more to go.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but it’s not even fonder, it just makes me see how fucking much I can’t be without him. Swore to myself I’d never let myself be so deep in love with someone like that ever again but for the first time I really think I’ve found the love that’s gonna last. I’d never let him read my blog & find out what a total sap I am moreso than he knows already but I’ve actually gone out my head this whole time he’s been away.
I hope he appreciates just how much I feel.
Actually didn’t think it was possible to miss someone this much.
Turning 20
On 6th April! The most bizarre thing is 3 years ago it wasn’t looking like I was even going to be here to see my 18th. This’ll be 4 years since my last brain operation & I couldn’t be happier. I think I’ve finally found exactly who I want to be, just in time to say goodbye to being a teenager, & hello to growing up.
Out of the doubt that fills my mind, I somehow find you & I collide.
